Right Speech can mean speaking skillfully, or it can mean choosing to remain silent. The space between stimulus and reaction is a perfect place to decide whether to speak out or keep quiet—at least temporarily—especially if emotional feelings and thoughts are arising.
When emotions and egos collude harsh words can be spoken with lightning speed and later regretted. Words, thoughts and actions arise together and support each other; we live each moment either peacefully or violently. The choice is obvious, but access to this wisdom requires more practice than perfection.
Our culture seems oversaturated with “wrong” speech spewing out abuse, enmity, judgment, sarcasm and all forms of hateful speech. Verbal violence has found a new companion with social media trolls typing mean-spirited comments. Violent speech becomes an addictive form of entertainment for some. Scoring a gotcha is hardly skillful.
Right Speech is one aspect of the Buddhist Eightfold Path; it’s a way to better understand ourselves and develop insights. Classically, Right Speech means to avoid: lying, slander, speaking in ways that cause disharmony, gossip and impolite language. This can be difficult and may take some time to master. Avoiding putting one’s foot in one’s mouth can require extraordinary diligence.
There are three simple techniques to avoid “wrong speech” that would work 100% of the time, if only it were humanly possible to remember at least one technique all of the time. Those times I forget (less than half the time) remind me that I have to keep practicing to access this wisdom more often.
1. One way to practice Right Speech is to ask yourself if the situation or whatever someone said matters. Will it matter in one minute? Will it matter in one hour? Will it matter in one day? Will it matter in one week? Will it matter in one month? Will it matter in one year? Etc.
Sometime between one day and one week, you may realize it’s best not to say anything. Maybe not. Fortunately, remaining silent in the heat of the moment doesn’t preclude speaking out later at a more appropriate time and place, in a more logical and thoughtful way.
2. A second technique for deciding whether to speak out or not involves taking a quick inventory of whatever you expect to say by asking yourself three quick questions. Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it true? Obviously, three no answers indicate silence is the most skillful response. Depending on circumstances, something may be true and unkind but still helpful to say; or sometimes it may be wise to speak out if something is kind and true, even if it’s not helpful.
3. If methods one and two fail to guide your mind towards Right Speech or silence, my teacher advises using your toes. Seriously. Start wiggling your toes and concentrate on that. This gives the mind something to focus on and hopefully time to regain composure—instead of blurting out something awful. One caveat: It’s best to wiggle your toes surreptitiously while wearing shoes, lest someone start inquiring why you’re furiously wiggling your toes.
