The Heart Under My Nose: Finding Self-Love & Oneness

human and universe power, watercolor painting

Who would have thunk it? Years and years of being raised (I'm talking around close to 60 years) believing I have to "earn" acceptance from God, the Source, Buddha, my Higher Power, Creator, or (fill in the ___________). Believing that I need “his” or “hers” approval for whatever. Believing that I need to fulfill certain requirements, rules, and regulations in order to experience God. Believing that God, much like Santa Claus, is “up there” in Heaven, checking the check list to see if you’re “naughty or nice”—the difference between the two being somewhere in our elementary school years we eventually find out Santa is make-believe while at the same time we hold onto the idea that God is still “up there” grading us from that checklist. We're repeatedly told God is looking down on us at all times, that our higher power is “out there.” We're led to believe we’re not worthy of his/her approval. Such dogma saturates many peoples' minds. I used to believe those views. And then I came across energy work. 

Energy is everywhere. Energy is everything. Energy is always changing. These last three statements aren't just from a certain perspective or belief system. This is regular Science 101 stuff. The different frequencies/vibrations (basically, how fast and how slow they are) of energy can, let's say, determine how solid things are. Water has one consistency, a mound of dirt another, a coffee table a different form, as well as our humanoid bodies. The sun, the moon, the air, the stars, the earth Gaia—all are different versions of energy. Again, this isn't New Age Hippy Dippy stuff. This is science.

It is what it is, always has been, and always will be…everything is energy. Relearning these basics brought me to realize my Creator is, and creates, energy of one form or the other. So I am energy. My soul is energy. My 3D body is energy. Which in turn means, since my body is energy, it's NOT just energy on the outside, but it's also made of energy from within. To wrap our minds around this I present this visual: like the trillions of cells within each of our bodies, each one of us is a cell of our Creator. We are all one. Thus, Oneness. I am not just a body that happens to carry around a pack of Oneness in his back pocket. It's the other way around. I'm a soul/Oneness with a body.

The Problem With Looking “Out There”

So after realizing all of this, does it make much sense that we have to look “out there” for our Creator? And no matter what religion or belief one subscribes too, what is the one feeling many want to have when connecting with their Creator? The feeling of Love. Receiving Love, giving Love…just Being Love. And what part of our body is associated with Love? The Heart. We feel Love through our Hearts.

I've spent a lot of time looking “out there” for answers. For God. For Love. Externalizing it all. When all I had to do was look within my own Heart. When I began to look within I remembered what it was like to feel again. I started off by remembering my most favorite childhood pet dog, Pixie. She was a beautiful West Highland White Terrier. Pixie and I were tight. Unconditional Love at its finest! Recalling my feelings for her reminded me what it was like to FEEL from the Heart. Recalling my first kiss (no, not with my dog, my first girlfriend) was another feeling. These were great reference feelings for me to start reconnecting with my Heart.

Reconnecting With My Heart

Then I started to take a good honest look at myself, coming from my Heart. Flaws and all. I didn't like what I saw. I realized, though I thought I always believed in myself, I didn't love myself at all. "What the hell is Self-Love?", I would think. I was taught to love others before me. Actually, I was never taught the concept of “Self-Love,” period. Funny thing is, when I began to accept that I didn't love myself is when I gave myself permission to start loving myself. I discovered there was a “mini-me” waiting, yearning to be rediscovered. “Little Bryan” had a lot of stored up emotions that needed to be expressed. Old belief systems had to be reevaluated and from there, new ones were born. 

I found that once I started to look within my Heart I couldn't help but to start to feel compassion for myself and others. As I started to acknowledge the guilt, anger, sadness, and frustration that surfaced, a tremendous weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was accepting, and willing to be accountable for, things I did or felt. It's the domino effect. One quality is triggered off by another quality, which triggers another. One of those dominos was Forgiveness. Forgiveness to myself first, then others. “Little Bryan” learned that he, or anyone else, didn't know any better. If they knew how to do things differently, they would have. They just plain didn't know any better. Period. Everybody was operating from their own conditioning. Because of that realization, forgiveness was easier to give to myself and to others. Then I discovered the rabbit hole is very deep. The more I felt with my Heart, the more I discovered the deeper aspects of my being. Though at times it wasn't fun to look at my own shadow traits, and sometimes down right painful, on the other side a deeper, more expansive aspect of Love would embrace me.

“Little Bryan” never felt that kind of love when praying to a brass cross mounted on the church wall. He did it because he was told that was one way to reach his Creator. I can only imagine what 3D life would look like if everyone started looking within their Hearts, and after rediscovering their divinity within, put their lives into action while FEELING from their Hearts. They wouldn't need a special ritual, or a ceremony, or a gradebook. They could just be still, and BE, and learn with their Hearts.

The Heart. The answer was always right under my nose. Who would have thunk it?



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